Daylight Savings Time: The Conspiracy Theories

The time is out of joint.

I awoke one hour earlier than usual this morning. Why would that be?

So I launched an exclusive R2E investigation to find the real story behind Daylight Savings Time.

Here are my leading theories.

D.S.T. Theory #1: There’s a glitch in the Matrix. It’s obvious: That cat is trying to tell us something!

D.S.T. Theory #2: It’s a plot by time-change-clock illustrators. Cartoonists. Always trying to make a buck.

D.S.T. Theory #3: It’s the human inclination toward over-complicating absolutely everything. Including that sentence I just wrote. And the Antikythera Mechanism.

D.S.T. Theory #4: Hospitals. Car accidents skyrocket after we turn the clocks forward. Or back. Who benefits from that?

D.S.T. Theory #5: It was Dwight David Eisenhower. I mean, obviously, right?