Nap.ti.tude
Build your vocabulary for the road to unconsciousness
It’s Monday. A day of recommitment to work. To achievement. To accomplishment.
And all of that makes me want to take a nap, so please don’t call or text from 1pm to 1:15pm today.
I am in fact something of a legend in my family for my ability to nap in spectacular locales.
I have conked out next to a pelouse interdit sign in the gardens of Versailles, outside Paris.
I slept on a sun-baked boulder on the Greek Island of Paros. When my eyes shut, I was literally overlooking the Aegean Sea.
A park ranger in Hawaii Volcanoes National Park once mocked my unconscious form next to the Kilauea caldera.
And I slept on top of a hillock at 12,000’ along Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park, apparently missing out on quality time with my younger son.
He seems to have survived it.
So perhaps you’ll forgive me when I boast: I’m something of a napping savant.
I have a kindred spirit in my artist friend Doug Renfro, who has never been known to let productivity get in the way of a good nap. Which, ironically, is one of the reasons why he is so very productive.
According to the National Sleep Foundation, napping helps in important ways:
“Napping during the day…can help us feel more awake and perform better. As a result, napping can help with:
- Reducing sleepiness [well, duh, National Sleep Foundation!]
- Improving learning
- Aiding memory formation
- Regulating emotions
Which is why my eyes perked up, and then drooped a little, when I saw a Facebook post from Doug encouraging what he called “naptitude,” or “the God-given ability to nap.” We quickly engaged in an e-brainstorm, which produced a full lexicon of purposeful laziness.
Nap.ostle: Promoter of daytime sleep.
Nap.ostate: Worker who renounces napping once her office reopens.
Nap.pren.tice: One who learns at the side of a napping master, like Doug and me.
Nap.ata.saurus: Herbivorous sauropod dinosaur that napped through much of the Late Jurassic period.
Cat.nap: Lions sleep 16–20 hours a day!
Dog.nap: Akin to catnap, but with twitching and yelping.
Nap.prehensive: Pre-nap anxiety, usually calmed by a…
Nap.era.tif: A wee dram taken before a…
Nap.it.tizer: A brief nap, before the main nap.
Nap.i.logue: Another brief nap, after the main nap.
Pizzza: Carb-induced nap.
La.ng.n(i)ap.pe. A bonus nap, or any nap taken in Louisiana.
Kid.nap: Child stolen by Mr. Sandman for a mid-day nap. One hour is good. Two: better
Whippers.nap.per: Impertinent kid who nonetheless naps thank God.
N.apps (for iPhone and Android): Awoken, the Lucid Dreaming App, or Sleep Cycle Power Nap. Also Pzizz. (Reminder: Pee before you lie down.)
Jay Zzzzz: Cautionary rapper. “Please, we ain’t focused on naps ’Cause I don’t run rap no more, I run the map.” — What We Talkin’ ‘Bout
Skillzzz: What Jay Zzzz has.
Nap.pol.ean: Famous short sleeper, even on the battlefield. (His name starts with “nap”!)
Un.nap.olo.getic: Ronald Reagan, who swore by naps, just like Joe B. and Bill C.
Pre.nap.tual agreement: Agreement between partners to abstain from a productive ruckus (washing dishes, vacuuming) in a passive-aggressive anti-nap move.
Nap.o.plectic: Rage upon being awakened in violation of the pre-nap agreement
Nap.athy: Ennui so profound that it interferes with napping.
Nap.rod.is.iac: A substance that encourages sex, which leads to napping.
Nap.er.çu: A comment or brief reference that makes an illuminating or entertaining point about napping. Example: “I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.” — Yogi Berra
Shavasa.nap: Sleep-like-a-corpse pose in yoga.
Nap.oca.lypse: When a sleepy NORAD worker drops his head down on a big red button.
Nap.othe.osis: Rip Van Winkle.
Dirt Nap: Put it that way, and death doesn’t seem so bad.
It was exhausting to write and draw all that. I think I’ll lie down for a bit.
