The Real Shit Tom Brady is Dealing With at Age 45: An illustrated exposé

The NFL is back! So’s Tom! (Sorry Gisele.)

TOM BRADY TOOK A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF DURING his NFL training camp, with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Which you can do if you’ve won seven Super Bowls, and been hailed as the NFL’s G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time). Upon his return, Gisele Bündchen’s husband, and father of three, and recent un-retiree, said: “I’m 45-years old, man. There’s a lot of shit going on, so you just have to try and figure out life the best you can. You know, it’s a continuous process.”

But, what kind of shit?

I have some theories. For instance, busy Tom probably has to….

1. Walk G.O.A.T.,

Seven Super Bowl rings! Enough to share with his G.O.A.T.!

milk G.O.A.T.,

Does this G.O.A.T. seem a little too masculine? She seems pissed, in any case.

make G.O.A.T. cheese with Gisele.

If you think R2E is just an excuse for me to draw funny animals, you’re not far off.

2. Shave chin-dimple with a power drill and dremel

I never thought about Tom Brady’s nipples, until now. Have you?

3. Go back-to-school shopping with the kids.

What a dad, right?

4. See the sights in Tampa before the season starts.

Visit Tampa before it’s under water permanently!

5. Polish trophies over the fireplace.

Note deflating football in lower right corner.

6. Test recipes for new cookbook.

Tom’s specialty: Pigskin etoufée

7. Learn Portuguese (finally).

Gisele reads bedtime stories to the kids in her native Portuguese. Tom’s more of a Dr. Suess guy.

8. Revise list of media partners.

Good luck with all your shit, Tom!

Excerpts from my illustrated memoir The Road to Elsewhere will resume next week. I have to illustrate complicated cityscapes of Paris, with prostitutes, and that’s freaking hard, let me tell you.